By Teresa G D’vall
Remember when Tom Hanks lost his shoe and was left clinging to a raft being chased by a propeller? Then, just before the fire consumed Fedex Flight blew up and sank, he found a paddle but tossed it aside? Of course you don’t, because that movie’s almost 20 years old.
I remember because Cast Away is the only thing I can get the TV to play. It’s a smart one, and not mine. My son donated his to our living room & showed me how to use it but I can only remember how to play Cast Away on Vudu.
He bought it as a birthday present 4 years ago even though I had no idea what Vudu was. This year I got “Happy Birthday” scrawled on a napkin before he left to see his girlfriend for the weekend. She gave him the TV for his birthday. He let’s me use it because I don’t have a TV.
Or a computer, which is why all my writing is done on an Android that’s not fancy or an iphone.
There’s an example of a nonsensical conversation from hell.
Anyone with a toxic narcissist at home, on the way home or sleeping on the couch recognized it right away.
If you’ve ever tried to have a conversation with a narcissist, you know they use word salad to confuse and distort everything. Those of you with healthy relationships have probably never heard of word salad.
Shahida Arabi, staff writer at Thought Catalog describes it like this:
“Spend even ten minutes arguing with a toxic narcissist and you’ll find yourself wondering how the argument even began at all. You simply disagreed with them about their absurd claim that the sky is red and now your entire childhood, family, friends, career and lifestyle choices have come under attack.”
Toxic narcissism isn’t usually something that makes me laugh but when I read Shahida’s article,
“20 Diversion Tactics Highly Manipulative Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths Use To Silence You” I laughed heartily.
It’s a must read for anyone with a toxic narcissist.
When you finish learning about gaslighting and narcissistic injury, return here and follow my advice instead because hers won’t work.
Your toxic narcissist isn’t interested in anything you have to say.
I respect trying. It’s usually effective, but not on narcissists.
The word “Try” is carved into the spackle on my kid’s bathroom wall along with the words “Hope” & “Never give up.”
When I bought my foreclosure last June, the upstairs bathroom was the last project I tackled because I’m not a plumber. Or a dry wall installer. I managed to fix the tub spout, then patch, paint & tile the walls around it just by nagging my local hardware store clerk for advice. Every day. For 3 months. (Thanks Mary!)
I went with a texture finish because I could use my hands to apply it. This method works best on plaster walls left unattended since 1935. My handprints, fingerprints and the words I’ve used to encourage my kids all their lives adorn their bathroom walls in hidden messages made with my fingernail. There’s also a message no one will find unless they take down a picture.
It says: “Know when to walk away.”
A toxic person didn’t step out of kindergarten that way, it took years of inappropriate behavior to mold them into the treasure they are today.
You’re not going to erase that kind of damage with trying or hope.
If you took the time to read this, you probably have a toxic narcissist lurking about and will need to delete it from whatever device you’re hiding in a room reading it on.
Before you do, know this:
There’s no way to tame your toxic narcissist.
Don’t go down with the burning plane or waste 1500 days on an island talking to a volleyball.
The next time your narcissist trys serving word salad, walk away. Leave. End it.
Save your sanity and years of recovery therapy by getting out sooner rather than later.
You can’t fix someone who doesn’t think they are broken.