Why Falling in Love at 48 Is a Shoe That Fits

By Teresa G. D’vall

Usually a book of Stephen King’s short stories is a distraction that cures any unsettling emotion but I’ve put it down twice now in favor of my stylus. Trying to sort out how I feel by writing is an exercise I’ve engaged in for years and never failed at, till now.

I have found myself in the peculiar predicament of accidentally and unexpectedly, falling madly in “something” with a man who I’ve known for less time than I care to admit here.

I’m happier than I’ve ever felt with anyone but also, terrified. And, a little frustrated, at deviating from my carefully crafted “Die alone” plan.

How is it possible to feel so good, and so confused, at the same time?

Falling in love at 48 is both exhilarating & exhausting, certain & uncertain, it’s the best feeling you never thought you’d have again.

I was married a long time & survived a bitter divorce, raised 2 out of my 6 kids & just became a Grandma for the first time. I finally reached a point of complete satisfaction in my life, even though I wasn’t in a relationship.

Then, the other shoe dropped.

Steve keeps telling me that the feelings we’re having are destined to be ruined by a shoe. His theory is that people tend to hide their worst qualities in the beginning of a relationship then they surface slowly, over time. This is when “the other shoe drops” and you decide if it’s something that can be worked through or not.

I believe that at our age, we’ve tried on enough shoes to know better. I’ve always been genuine and would rather confess all my flaws immediately. I stand in front of the fridge with the door open while I sip seltzer. Never made a meatloaf the same way twice. My toothpaste looks like a maniac squeezed it from every end.

Steve likes to hunt, fish, play cards & have more than one beer during a football game. I grew up around all of that & laughed at the notion any of it could be a shoe.

He and I have been looking for this shoe a blissfully short time, wondering why we feel like lovesick teenagers. We’ve both experienced enough in past relationships to know what’s not real. When there’s no chemistry, conversations struggle or you just don’t click, it’s easy to understand how you feel.

We’ve been talking & laughing effortlessly from the moment we locked eyes on one another. A recent text between us went like this:

Me: When do you want to get together again?

(Even though we just parted after spending time together every day the previous week)

Him: Tomorrow, Tuesday, Wednesday…I want to see you every day. I can’t explain it. I won’t try. I’m happy when you are with me.

He keeps saying everything I feel, which is making it difficult to convince myself that there is a shoe to be found. I am so unbelievably happy with Steve that I actually started googling things like “falling in love to fast when you’re old”

Surprisingly, this has not been helpful. If anything, it confirmed what I already suspected. Falling in love is easier when you’re old. Damn it.

Larry Carlat author of “Why Middle Age is the Best Time to Fall in Love” says this about older love:

“The best way I can describe it is that it feels at once effortless and rock solid, unbearably light with unfathomable depth, surprising yet richly deserved, like we first met and have known each other forever.”

Jackie Pilossoph, Editor in Chief, Divorced Girl Smiling, and author of What It Is Like To Fall In Love After 50 says:

“It was so totally unexpected, but the new relationship had all the components one needs/wants for love: respect, trust, likability, attraction, chemistry and a lot of laughter. I felt like he just got me, and there was something about this whole thing that felt very very right. Over 4 years later, those same components are not only there, but they are stronger.”

I say, the hardest part about falling for someone fast when you are old enough to be wise about it is that you want to be together all the time, but can’t. And that feeling sucks.

We both established our lives long ago, own a house, have kids with routines who are still in school. Even though it feels like we’ve been together a long time, we haven’t, so living together is not an option yet but saying good bye at the end of the day makes both of us..sad.

Missing someone who’s rekindled feelings you thought were lost forever is both wonderful and frustrating. Still, we both agree that looking forward to seeing someone again is a feeling we want to hold onto.

I don’t know if Steve and I will find a shoe but if one exists, I’ll do whatever’s necessary to make it fit.

It remains to be seen whether the smile that keeps appearing on my face as I drive alone in the car or shop for groceries will be around forever.

One thing is certain, spending the day smiling at the thought of seeing someone again feels good at any age.

Waiting on forever has never been more exciting.

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How To Tame Your Toxic Narcissist

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By Teresa G. D’vall

Remember when Tom Hanks lost his shoe and was left clinging to a raft being chased by a propeller? Then, just before the fire consumed Fedex Flight blew up and sank, he found a paddle but tossed it aside? Of course you don’t, because that movie’s almost 20 years old.

I remember because Cast Away is the only thing I can get the TV to play. It’s a smart one, and not mine. My son donated his to our living room & showed me how to use it but I can only remember how to play Cast Away on Vudu.

He bought it as a birthday present 4 years ago even though I had no idea what Vudu was. This year I got “Happy Birthday” scrawled on a napkin before he left to see his girlfriend for the weekend. She gave him the TV for his birthday. He let’s me use it because I don’t have a TV.
Or cable.
Or a computer, which is why all my writing is done on an Android that’s not fancy or an iphone.

There’s an example of a nonsensical conversation from hell.

Anyone with a toxic narcissist at home, on the way home or sleeping on the couch recognized it right away.

If you’ve ever tried to have a conversation with a narcissist, you know they use word salad to confuse and distort everything. Those of you with healthy relationships have probably never heard of word salad.

Shahida Arabi, staff writer at Thought Catalog describes it like this:

“Spend even ten minutes arguing with a toxic narcissist and you’ll find yourself wondering how the argument even began at all. You simply disagreed with them about their absurd claim that the sky is red and now your entire childhood, family, friends, career and lifestyle choices have come under attack.”

Toxic narcissism isn’t usually something that makes me laugh but when I read Shahida’s article,
“20 Diversion Tactics Highly Manipulative Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths Use To Silence You” I laughed heartily.

It’s a must read for anyone with a toxic narcissist.

When you finish learning about gaslighting and narcissistic injury, return here and follow my advice instead because hers won’t work.

Your toxic narcissist isn’t interested in anything you have to say.

I respect trying. It’s usually effective, but not on narcissists.

The word “Try” is carved into the spackle on my kid’s bathroom wall along with the words “Hope” & “Never give up.”

When I bought my foreclosure last June, the upstairs bathroom was the last project I tackled because I’m not a plumber. Or a dry wall installer. I managed to fix the tub spout, then patch, paint & tile the walls around it just by nagging my local hardware store clerk for advice. Every day. For 3 months. (Thanks Mary!)

I went with a texture finish because I could use my hands to apply it. This method works best on plaster walls left unattended since 1935. My handprints, fingerprints and the words I’ve used to encourage my kids all their lives adorn their bathroom walls in hidden messages made with my fingernail. There’s also a message no one will find unless they take down a picture.

It says: “Know when to walk away.”

A toxic person didn’t step out of kindergarten that way, it took years of inappropriate behavior to mold them into the treasure they are today.

You’re not going to erase that kind of damage with trying or hope.

If you took the time to read this, you probably have a toxic narcissist lurking about and will need to delete it from whatever device you’re hiding in a room reading it on.

Before you do, know this:

There’s no way to tame your toxic narcissist.

Don’t go down with the burning plane or waste 1500 days on an island talking to a volleyball.

The next time your narcissist tries serving word salad, walk away. Leave. End it.

Save your sanity and years of recovery therapy by getting out sooner rather than later.

You can’t fix someone who doesn’t think they are broken.

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The Secret Life of Wyatt Colman: Realtor, Fish Whisperer, Liar

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Teresa G. D’vall

stephen king  agent email

<a href=”http://e87c6ibckgio1o99idljer3r5n.hop.clickbank.net/” target=”_top”>Click Here!</a>

https://www.linkedin.com/profile/view?id=257238636h      

Stephen King once compared the short story to a kiss, brief, yet intimate and sometimes more memorable than reading a good novel, which he described as an affair. If you’re a Constant Reader, you know what Introduction he wrote that in, and may recognize the first name of the main character in this short story. I chose to borrow it because mine ends with a kiss.

Real Estate Brokers are essentially salespeople with a license to embellish and as you know, Merriam-Webster defines the word salesperson as ‘fabricator of truth.’ Not really, but I’m using my license, the poetic one, to illustrate the fact there is good and bad in all professions. Selling your house and a business concurrently is an emotional process that requires trusting your agent will never do anything wrong to you and certainly not steal your cookie jar…

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Why You Shouldn’t Miss the Moment

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Teresa G. D’vall

Uncle Wiggly is a board game introduced by Milton Bradley in 1916 and themed around a rabbit who does a lot of hopping through the forest for reasons I no longer recall. My mother played it with me as a child and I was thrilled to find an edition on Amazon as an adult. It’s also the only game she  played with her grandchildren, reluctantly, the last time she visited my home for Christmas, too many years ago.

My three toddlers couldn’t really follow or remember the rules and Mom was beginning to suffer from short term memory loss so neither could she. I was desperately trying to manage a house still floundering in a disarray of leftovers and strewn with gift wrap. When I saw her on the floor with them I stood still; mesmerized by the novelty of it all. Even though they didn’t play…

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How to Tame Your Toxic Narcissist

 

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By Teresa G  D’vall

Clear your browsing history and wait, reader I will never know. I’m going to tell a story that no one wants to read…

 

 

 

 

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How I Manage My 157 Hour Work Week

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By Teresa G. D’vall

Dear Absent Parent,

Raising six children means that nothing is ever quiet, clean, or routine. We always need milk, the lemonade pitcher empties in minutes and a box of cereal only lasts 3 days if I hide it before going to bed.

Our children are 3, 7, 9, 10, 17 and even though the 23 year old mostly visits, my house is always chaotic.

You said I need to do my share since I don’t work. Here’s what I do on a typical day during the 157 hours of the week you don’t have them:

6:50-7:45am:

Awake to tormented wails:

“He’s copying me!”

“She spilled Cheerios on me!”

“I have nothing to wear!”

“There’s nothing eat!”

Vacuum Cheerios from everywhere while my coffee gets cold. Start the laundry. Clean up after the dog who was just let in but prefers to pee inside. Clean…

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The Secret Life of Wyatt Colman: Realtor, Fish Whisperer, Liar

via The Secret Life of Wyatt Colman: Realtor, Fish Whisperer, Liar

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