How To Tame Your Toxic Narcissist

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By Teresa G. D’vall

Remember when Tom Hanks lost his shoe and was left clinging to a raft being chased by a propeller? Then, just before the fire consumed Fedex Flight blew up and sank, he found a paddle but tossed it aside? Of course you don’t, because that movie’s almost 20 years old.

I remember because Cast Away is the only thing I can get the TV to play. It’s a smart one, and not mine. My son donated his to our living room & showed me how to use it but I can only remember how to play Cast Away on Vudu.

He bought it as a birthday present 4 years ago even though I had no idea what Vudu was. This year I got “Happy Birthday” scrawled on a napkin before he left to see his girlfriend for the weekend. She gave him the TV for his birthday. He let’s me use it because I don’t have a TV.
Or cable.
Or a computer, which is why all my writing is done on an Android that’s not fancy or an iphone.

There’s an example of a nonsensical conversation from hell.

Anyone with a toxic narcissist at home, on the way home or sleeping on the couch recognized it right away.

If you’ve ever tried to have a conversation with a narcissist, you know they use word salad to confuse and distort everything. Those of you with healthy relationships have probably never heard of word salad.

Shahida Arabi, staff writer at Thought Catalog describes it like this:

“Spend even ten minutes arguing with a toxic narcissist and you’ll find yourself wondering how the argument even began at all. You simply disagreed with them about their absurd claim that the sky is red and now your entire childhood, family, friends, career and lifestyle choices have come under attack.”

Toxic narcissism isn’t usually something that makes me laugh but when I read Shahida’s article,
“20 Diversion Tactics Highly Manipulative Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths Use To Silence You” I laughed heartily.

It’s a must read for anyone with a toxic narcissist.

When you finish learning about gaslighting and narcissistic injury, return here and follow my advice instead because hers won’t work.

Your toxic narcissist isn’t interested in anything you have to say.

I respect trying. It’s usually effective, but not on narcissists.

The word “Try” is carved into the spackle on my kid’s bathroom wall along with the words “Hope” & “Never give up.”

When I bought my foreclosure last June, the upstairs bathroom was the last project I tackled because I’m not a plumber. Or a dry wall installer. I managed to fix the tub spout, then patch, paint & tile the walls around it just by nagging my local hardware store clerk for advice. Every day. For 3 months. (Thanks Mary!)

I went with a texture finish because I could use my hands to apply it. This method works best on plaster walls left unattended since 1935. My handprints, fingerprints and the words I’ve used to encourage my kids all their lives adorn their bathroom walls in hidden messages made with my fingernail. There’s also a message no one will find unless they take down a picture.

It says: “Know when to walk away.”

A toxic person didn’t step out of kindergarten that way, it took years of inappropriate behavior to mold them into the treasure they are today.

You’re not going to erase that kind of damage with trying or hope.

If you took the time to read this, you probably have a toxic narcissist lurking about and will need to delete it from whatever device you’re hiding in a room reading it on.

Before you do, know this:

There’s no way to tame your toxic narcissist.

Don’t go down with the burning plane or waste 1500 days on an island talking to a volleyball.

The next time your narcissist tries serving word salad, walk away. Leave. End it.

Save your sanity and years of recovery therapy by getting out sooner rather than later.

You can’t fix someone who doesn’t think they are broken.

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The Secret Life of Wyatt Colman: Realtor, Fish Whisperer, Liar

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Teresa G. D’vall

stephen king  agent email

<a href=”http://e87c6ibckgio1o99idljer3r5n.hop.clickbank.net/” target=”_top”>Click Here!</a>

https://www.linkedin.com/profile/view?id=257238636h      

Stephen King once compared the short story to a kiss, brief, yet intimate and sometimes more memorable than reading a good novel, which he described as an affair. If you’re a Constant Reader, you know what Introduction he wrote that in, and may recognize the first name of the main character in this short story. I chose to borrow it because mine ends with a kiss.

Real Estate Brokers are essentially salespeople with a license to embellish and as you know, Merriam-Webster defines the word salesperson as ‘fabricator of truth.’ Not really, but I’m using my license, the poetic one, to illustrate the fact there is good and bad in all professions. Selling your house and a business concurrently is an emotional process that requires trusting your agent will never do anything wrong to you and certainly not steal your cookie jar…

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Why You Shouldn’t Miss the Moment

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Teresa G. D’vall

Uncle Wiggly is a board game introduced by Milton Bradley in 1916 and themed around a rabbit who does a lot of hopping through the forest for reasons I no longer recall. My mother played it with me as a child and I was thrilled to find an edition on Amazon as an adult. It’s also the only game she  played with her grandchildren, reluctantly, the last time she visited my home for Christmas, too many years ago.

My three toddlers couldn’t really follow or remember the rules and Mom was beginning to suffer from short term memory loss so neither could she. I was desperately trying to manage a house still floundering in a disarray of leftovers and strewn with gift wrap. When I saw her on the floor with them I stood still; mesmerized by the novelty of it all. Even though they didn’t play…

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How to Tame Your Toxic Narcissist

 

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By Teresa G  D’vall

Clear your browsing history and wait, reader I will never know. I’m going to tell a story that no one wants to read…

 

 

 

 

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How I Manage My 157 Hour Work Week

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By Teresa G. D’vall

Dear Absent Parent,

Raising six children means that nothing is ever quiet, clean, or routine. We always need milk, the lemonade pitcher empties in minutes and a box of cereal only lasts 3 days if I hide it before going to bed.

Our children are 3, 7, 9, 10, 17 and even though the 23 year old mostly visits, my house is always chaotic.

You said I need to do my share since I don’t work. Here’s what I do on a typical day during the 157 hours of the week you don’t have them:

6:50-7:45am:

Awake to tormented wails:

“He’s copying me!”

“She spilled Cheerios on me!”

“I have nothing to wear!”

“There’s nothing eat!”

Vacuum Cheerios from everywhere while my coffee gets cold. Start the laundry. Clean up after the dog who was just let in but prefers to pee inside. Clean…

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The Secret Life of Wyatt Colman: Realtor, Fish Whisperer, Liar

via The Secret Life of Wyatt Colman: Realtor, Fish Whisperer, Liar

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Dear Suicidal, Die Trying Instead

By Teresa G. D’vall

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Thinking about driving into that tree, swallowing those pills or using the blade vertically?

Read this first.

About two weeks ago, they carved a dark spot out of my foot to biopsy for melanoma and during my 10 day wait to find out if I’d live or die, the thought crossed my mind that death might be the better option.

Believing you’d be better off dead is different than wanting to kill yourself. It’s worse.

Currently, my very young children have pottty mouths that would make an inmate blush. My ex husband has become such an accomplished domestic abuser that he actually has the police helping him, 5 (FIVE!!) years after I was granted a permanent order of protection.

AND, I still can’t find gainful employment that will support my emotionally traumatized children, even though I have a Bachelor’s Degree in business management.

Yet, I am still here.

Five years ago, I was married with 6 children, lived in an upscale neighborhood, owned a profitable business and a 3300 square foot colonial with an inground pool.

In 2013 I lost “my husband’s” business, the house (which was my husband’s and NOT mine!!) went into foreclosure and my marriage ended. Then, neighbors in a town where everyone knew me because we owned a restaurant, found out that my picture perfect life was a complete sham. A lie. Fake.

For 15 years I lived with a man who called me names, said I was worthless and terrorized my children. Then one day, I found the courage to leave, but that’s an old story and you already know “How I Almost Became A Convicted Felon.” if you follow me.

Usually, escaping domestic violence is the hard part but I have experienced every setback imaginable since.

My long journey ends tonight.

Even though my kids do not value or respect me and remind me daily that my tax job is only seasonal and therefore doesn’t matter…

(Who gave them that idea???)

Even though all these things and a few I haven’t mentioned because I want to publish this before midnight-

I am about to close on my first home tomorrow. My kids don’t even know yet. I’m going to surprise them. I even made a sign that boasts:

Dear Kids,

Surprise! We have a home.

Love,
Mom

I’m doing this because they’ve already seen this house. I took them there the first time I was going to buy it in 2015. Then I lost my full time job.

(The one that is seasonal now and doesn’t really matter.)

I cried all the way home that day. I didn’t want to disappoint them again so I waited this time.

Tomorrow, I finally get to give my kids a home.

So you see, Suicidal,

It really does get better.

But sometimes it gets worse first.

Hang on for better.

P.S. Thank you Chris Happyness Gardner.
I protected my dream.

(Thank you for the inspiration Mom.)

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